And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
