This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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