i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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