I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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