first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So many bounce houses so little time
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
