I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
