shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
