we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
