Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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