I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
that is very illegal...i love you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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