the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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