mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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