I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
