First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
tell me about the eggs
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