New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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