did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
