thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
