he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
