You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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