I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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