I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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