my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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