textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
