talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
