Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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