There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
why didn't you poke me back
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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