Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
