so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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