What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
