Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
