He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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