he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
