Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize