put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
