This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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