all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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