Sponge bath it is.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
