no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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