I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
