Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
