I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
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I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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