She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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