he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
so much tequila, so little girl.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
