She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I checked into jail on foursquare
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
