it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
