What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
