Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
