So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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