I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize