I'm lost and stupid without you.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
