Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
