I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
