I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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