Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
