he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I forgot how hot balto sounded
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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