he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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