Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
