Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
