I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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