It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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