There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
