So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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