The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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