He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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