overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
