I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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