You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
