IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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