Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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