Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
