I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
COCAINE IS GR8
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
