Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
