I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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