don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize