I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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