The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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