I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
