it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
